"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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