The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
