I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
