ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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