I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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