im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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