Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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