The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
