I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
