fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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