No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We talked him into tasing himself.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
