mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
