He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
