You work out of a Hotel?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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