This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
