So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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