I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
