I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
