i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
