Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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