ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
