Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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