I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
