Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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