no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
