She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
