At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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