was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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