This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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