You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
