i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
