That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
