I love black thongs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
