The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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