Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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