My hand turned me down
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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