some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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