You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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