google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
