smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
