Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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