you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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