Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
