when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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