That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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