But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
