cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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