Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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