I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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