I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
