My room smells like vodka and shame
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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