It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
